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no one's so sure if her crime had a reason. [entries|friends|calendar]
i believe in love dear...without limitations

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[ Monday
June 20th, 2005 at 10:59am ]
dear mom,
you've invaded my privacy. once again. this time you can't use the excuse "for my own good". you did it. for Godknowswhat reason. you read all my thoughts. because obviously it was too hard to ask me what i was going through. it's easier to read. you know i exaggerate. you know i'm a drama queen. i'm not a liar. yeah, i can make spilling milk the worst thing in my day. but that's my opinon. and i can cry over it. you can't control that. you can't control me. as much as you'd like to, i bet.
you don't know me. if you took the time. maybe. but you don't. so the things you find out about me. you think i am lying about. you're mistaken. you think you know me. you think you knew me. but you never did. you knew shapes and colors. but that's it. and still now. all you know are shapes and colors. you're blind.
what you do. and what you did. crossed a line. and even you knew it. and i don't think you can ever come back from that line. yeah, i believe that everyone deserves a fresh start every now and then. like bugsy. and yeah. i had my fair share of fresh starts. but i had to go back to square one. and i had to face what i did. and i did do that. and i do do that. i'm not perfect. so you just can't inch back from that line. and pretend you never crossed it. you did. and now you either go all the way back. or just stay where you are. and i'll leave.
i lost a lot. never thought i'd lose my relationship with you. but i did. and i guess it was about time. i've been trying to be neutral. and i even sided with you sometimes. but no more. i still love you. because you are my mother. but you need a dictionary. badly. look up the word love. for all those times you said you loved me and never did. look up the word mother. and see what a real one is. maybe you've got that confused with the word, judgemental. or liar. or a few choice words i won't use. but you hurt your daughter. and you don't apologize. face up to what you did. and what you do.
i know you can read this. and i know that this is really overexaggerated. and i know i sound like the victim. i'm not. but neither are you. we're both the murderers. killing love. love is the victim. i know i sound like a drama queen. because i am one. i can change. but you're too stubborn. i can go on to be a great person. and do great things. you can't. because you're too stuck in your ways.
no matter what. just remember. i love you.
your daughter,

friends cut. [ Tuesday
June 29th, 2004 at 3:33am ]

friends only.
(62) !!!!

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